After a bunch of doodling, I came up with this sequence (read left to right):
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| 8.5x11 folded twice, done with pencil hence smudgapalooza. |
-Panel 2 had 2 things happening- the primary point I wanted was someone getting out as the second dude was making a call. The solution was to push back the secondary one and try to show the first more clearly.
-Panel 3 and 4 were redundant, in that both were showing the man about to take his glove off. Every panel should be bringing in new information and insight. So panel 3 ought to be indicating his approach to the body, and panel 4 reveals what's underneath the glove he's taking off. Also the depiction of taking the glove off was not clear and the focus (oooh shiny hand) in panel 4 was too low and ought to be in the center of the frame.
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| Storyboards Mark also critiqued on, my stuff are in the lower right. |
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| Digital do over, applying the critiques. |
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